Dying Loyalty
by MerlinGrayson
Summary: Arthur walks in on Merlin using Magic. At a crossroads, Arthur must decide whether to banish Merlin or find a clever way to keep him close. When he decides to give Merlin a magic resistant band, Merlin doesn't complain, afraid of losing the sliver of friendship they still held, but this choice means consequences. Can they repair their bond before the consequences become too much?


Merlin was just trying to heat the bath, like he always did to please Arthur, but he didn't realize that Arthur had walked in, while Merlin's eyes glowed the bright gold. When Arthur caught it, he froze, something indescribable bubbling up inside of him.

Merlin was unaware he had entered, sticking his hand in the tub to make sure the temperature was lukewarm, as if it took a long time to heat, when in fact it didn't. When Merlin finally felt Arthur's presence, Merlin looked up to see the King.

Merlin smiled. "I finished heating the bath, would you like assistance or do you think you can handle this on your own?" Merlin asked, his tone was that of a joking manner, but his happy expression died when he realized Arthur's expression. It was mixed with rage and betrayal, something Merlin has only seen on his face once, when he found out about his birth.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, shakily, his voice changing tones.

That snapped Arthur out of his shock as he turned around and slammed the wooden door, making Merlin jump out of his skin. For the longest minute of their life, nothing was said. Fin\ally Arthur's voice broke the tense atmosphere with a very deadpanned voice.

"You have magic."

Merlin paled at those words, but tried to play it off. "I don't know what you are talking about, sire. You mu-" Merlin was cut off by Arthur, turning away from the door and rushing towards him in an angry stride.

He gripped the collar of Merlin's shirt and brought him close to his face. "Don't play that game with me, Merlin. I saw you doing it!" Arthur shouted.

Merlin instantly started to crumble in Arthur's hands, Arthur could feel him physically deflate. "I want to hear it from you." He spat, releasing Merlin, watching him slip to his knees.

"Arthur... please I only use it for Camelot. I use it only for you." Merlin breathed, surprised at how scared he sounded.

Arthur scoffed, turning away from him. He paced from his bed to his dresser, for a long while before turning to Merlin. "You lied to me. This whole time, you kept this a secret and deceived me. Deceived Camelot." He spoke, mainly trying to convince himself of how evil merlin sounded.

Merlin on the other hand could only think of the worst outcomes. He knew Arthur would do something out of impulse, that is just how he is... he just hopes it won't be extreme.

"I never meant to lie. I kept it a secret to protect camelot." Merlin finally spoke up.

Arthur let out a bitter chuckle. "Protect Camelot?" He whispered in amusement, turning to Merlin. "You just did it to protect yourself. All sorcerers are the same."

"Arthur, please it's true! I was born with my magic. I only ever u-" Merlin was cut off by Arthur.

"Leave." He demanded.

"But Arthur-"

"Leave! While I decide what I'm going to do with you, traitor!" Arthur shouted, earning a small sob to escape Merlin as he scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room.

Once the door closed, Arthur collapsed onto the chest at the end of his bed, his face buried into the balls of his palms, running through exactly what happened and what to do.

Merlin ran, not stopping to answer questions from some knights that were curious. He just kept running until he finally pushed into the physicians quarters.

"Merlin! What on earth are you doi..." Gauis' s voice trailed away quietly as he took in Merlin's presence.

Merlin didn't realize that he was in fact crying and his body shivered as he melted onto the floor where he stood. Gaius walked over to Merlin, dropping to his knees as he engulfed Merlin in a hug. "Oh my boy, what happened?" He asked.

Merlin huffed, his breathing was broken and choked as he tried to sniffle through the pain. "He... He know.." Merlin managed, before his sobbing grew louder, not caring how he sounded.

Gaius understood as he sat there on the floor, comforting Merlin for as long as Merlin could cry. He didn't even realize he had cried himself to sleep that night on the floor against Gaius.

*A few days later*

People were catching on that something had happened to the friendship between Merlin and Arthur, but they didn't quite know what exactly. Gwen was the first one to take notice, since Merlin hasn't been by Arthur's side in a few days and she took notice that Arthur was much more guarded as of late. When she would ask him about it, he would brush it off, or walk away.

Gwaine was the second one to notice. Merlin was locked away in the physicians quarters and Gaius wouldn't let anyone see him. That raised suspicions in his brain. He also noticed that no matter where Arthur went, Merlin was absent. That has never happened for as long as Gwaine has been a knight.

When he brought it up with the other trusted knights, they also took notice. They were the talk of the castle grounds, but they didn't even know.

It wasn't until a week after his secret was revealed to Arthur, Merlin finally got summoned by him. Merlin was severely depressed and a small sliver of hope was now showing, but he tried to not get too hopeful.

Merlin barely ate, and it showed, but what made Gwaine concerned, who was the knight that had to fetch Merlin, was the fact that Merlin's eyes had the darkest bags under them. They stood out against his porcelain skin.

"Are you okay Merlin?" Gwaine finally asked as they walked down the halls.

Merlin nodded stiffly.

Gwaine bit his lip and felt a rage rise up inside of him for some reason that he couldn't explain.

That was until they made it to Arthur's quarters. When they entered, he saw Merlin tense up at the sight of Arthur.

"Thank you Gwaine, you may take your leave." Arthur said, his voice sounding flat.

Arthur walked towards Merlin, a box in his hand, and Gwaine glared. "Sire I really wish to stay wi-"

"This doesn't concern you, Gwaine!" Arthur snapped, and Gwaine watched as Merlin flinched. "Now take your leave."

Gwaine's glare darkened before he turned away and stomped out of the room, slamming the wooden door closed.

Once they were alone, both of them did nothing but stand there. Merlin didn't want to make a wrong move or say the wrong things, so he kept his eyes plastered to his boots.

Arthur decided to finally speak. "I am not going to banish you." Arthur said, and Merlin felt a weight lift off of his chest, but it was short lived. "If," he opened the box and revealed a thin silver band in it. "You wear this."

"What is it?" Merlin asked, his voice low.

"A magic restraint." Arthur bit out, his voice bitter at the words he spoke.

Merlin flinched at the way he said it, as if it poisoned his mouth to speak those words. He looked down at the band, his whole body tried to step away at the sight of it, but he had to force his body to stay out and not cringe in on itself.

"Arthur, I can't wea-" before Merlin could tell him, Arthur shoved the box into Merlin's gut.

"You will wear it or you will be banished."

Merlin gulped. He knew the consequences of shutting off his magic, but he didn't want to leave. If this was the way to slowly earn Arthur's trust back he needed to do this.

Merlin bit his lip before slowly nodding. Arthur seemed almost relieved as he reached into the box and picked it up. Before Merlin could prepare his body, Arthur closed it around his neck.

Merlin immediately felt his body become weak, his legs shaking and his breathing suddenly felt thin as he backed away from Arthur, leaning against the wooden door, trying to get used to it, but his body felt like it was starved of something vital.

As Arthur watched him struggle, he immediately felt guilt rise in his stomach, but he immediately shoved it down deep. "You will be here early in the morning and continue your daily chores. You are dismissed." Arthur said.

Merlin barely heard him, but nodded, shakily opening the door before exiting. Once he was outside of the door, he walked down the hall a few more feet, before he collapsed against the wall. Everything was finally coming clear to him, tears escaping his eyes as he slid down into a squatting position. He hugged himself, silently sobbing in the hall.

He did this to not leave the one place he cared about, but what are the consequences?

*The next morning*

When Merlin woke up, his body felt heavy, as his head spun, but he pushed it away as he lazily dressed himself. He didn't tell Gaius about the neck band, afraid of what he would do, so he was glad his neckerchief was a part of his daily outfit so he could hide it from prying eyes.

Merlin's chores felt much more laborious, but Merlin never complained. He barely even spoke to anyone. He just listened as Arthur spoke the list of Chores he was tasked to do and when Merlin just nodded, Arthur couldn't help but feel a pit in his stomach grow emptier, but he tried to not let that interfere with his thoughts of magic being the source of all evil. With that thought, he left Merlin alone to do the chores.

*A couple weeks later*

At first, Merlin only noticed that the tasks were harder as well as his body was weaker, but the longer he kept the band on, he noticed just how much strain he was put under.

His tasks took almost all day to finish and since he was also doing some for Gaius he barely had time to eat or sleep. He could feel himself growing thinner, but he didn't want to be more of a hassle than he already felt he was.

He could also tell that his magic was another reason why he couldn't hold down any food. Everytime he would eat, his body would reject it like the plague, as if his body was trying to starve itself. The only time he was able to eat was when it was nothing but liquids.

He didn't realize how much he depended on magic, but after recent events it was clear he needed it to survive. Not only because it was his life source, but because without it, he didn't have time to look after himself, and it showed.

Currently they were on a hunt and Merlin could feel his body lagging as he carried the bags.

"Merlin, are you doing okay?" Gwaine asked.

Merlin gulped, trying to not sound as fragile as he felt. "I'm fine."

"You're not. Your legs are shaking." Leon explained. "Maybe we should take a break."

Arthur pushed forward, trying to pretend he wasn't listening to their conversation.

That riled Gwaine up.

"We are taking a break. It's getting dark soon anyways. We should set up camp." Gwaine demanded.

Arthur stopped, turning to Gwaine before his eyes traveled to the others. He nodded. "Fine. Merlin set up camp. Leon, Elyan and Percival with me." He explained, before walking towards the forest.

Merlin couldn't help but smile at Gwaine. "Thank you."

"Are you sure you're okay, Mate? You look like you're going to keel over any second." Gwaine said, and he wasn't wrong. Merlin swayed where he stood, his eyes having trouble staying opened.

"I just didn't get enough sleep this morning." He explained. "Now if you will excuse me I need to set up camp."

Gwaine grabbed onto Merlin's wrist and was shocked at how bony it felt, but Merlin pulled it away. Gwaine only grew angrier. "No. I will set up camp. You sit down and get some rest." Gwaine explained with a determined tone to his voice. He grabbed the bags from Merlin and walked over to a good spot.

Merlin felt guilty, but was too tired to complain. He walked over to a tree and instantly fell asleep against it. Gwaine smiled at the manservant as he slumped against the tree trunk. He was at ease and finally able to work on the camp.

When Arthur returned to the camp, he saw Gwaine finishing up the set up and noticed Merlin was asleep by the tree. He was a little relieved but at the same time annoyed that he was able to sleep so peacefully knowing what he was. His anger crushed his relief and he dropped the sticks near the campfire, walking over to Merlin, shaking him awake.

Merlin struggled to open his eyes before fixing them on Arthur, who was towering over him. "Why are you asleep? You were supposed to be doing the camp."

Merlin lifted himself up off the floor, not realizing he slid down the tree. "I told him to get some sleep, Princess. If you would check that ego of yours you would have noticed your Manservant isn't well!" Gwaine barked.

Arthur snapped his head to Gwaine, then back at Merlin. "This is none if your concern. He is a manservant. That's his job." He said coldly.

"Okay that's it! What happened to you? Lately you have been so cold! He is your friend, Arthur!" Gwaine shouted.

"No he isn't."

"He has been by your side and helped you in more ways than your own people. He saved me and you a bunch of times! He is Merlin. I don't know what happened between you two but he is your friend. Not your object!" Gwaine was enraged, his fists were clenched and his body was shaking.

"My friend? He is a traitor." Arthur breathed, before walking away from the party and into the forest.

Merlin was still having trouble staying awake, his body was finally able to get some sleep, it refused to believe he needed to wake up. He saw the confusion on their faces as they looked from where Arthur stormed off to Merlin.

"Traitor?" Gwaine said in disbelief.

"What did he mean by that?" Percival asked.

Merlin slowly, though his body protested, tried to stand away from the tree, but his body couldn't process it. He instead leaned against the trunk for support, his body feeling exhausted.

"Merlin, what happened between you two?" Elyan asked.

"He never gets this way unless he was betrayed severely." Leon explained. "What did you do?"

Merlin coughed into his hand, his throat burning. When he pulled his hand away he saw the speckled blood splattered on his palm. His body went into a panic aa he quickly wiped it off on his shirt.

"Merlin?" Elyan pushed.

Merlin gulped, tasting the copper as it went down his dry throat. "He... He found out one of my most guarded secrets." Merlin finally said, but the others cringed at how scratchy his voice came out.

"What secret?" Leon asked.

Merlin gulped. But he didn't say it. Instead a bitter voice from behind them spoke. "He is a sorcerer." Arthur spat, walking back.

They gasped, all except Gwaine who only looked angrier.

"He has magic and kept it a secret. He's evil." Arthur spoke venom, his words sounding harsher than Merlin was intending to handle. His knees buckled and if it wasn't for the tree, he would have fallen.

"You are an idiot, princess." Gwaine said, shaking his head.

"What?" Arthur snapped.

"I said you are an idiot. Do you really think Merlin is evil? The person who has been by your side for years? If he was evil he would have done something by now, but he didn't. He has been loyal to you. Are you really so blind as to not see all the good things Merlin has done for you?" Gwaine ranted.

"I respect you, Sire, but I would have to agree with Gwaine." Leon explained.

Merlin felt his body violently shiver but he tried to ignore it, rubbing it off as tiredness.

"Gwaine is correct. He may have magic, but he would put his life down for any one of us." Elyan explained.

As if proving Elyan's statement, Merlin even through his tired state, saw something shine in his peripherals. He knew that glint well and saw it was aiming directly at Arthur. He didn't have time to say anything. Instead he jumped forward, thankful he pushed off the tree in order to have enough momentum to move Arthur out of the way. He felt a white hot pain in his shoulder, as they both fell to the floor.

"Merlin what the-" but Arthur's rage was cut off by screams of barbaric bandits running out of the forest, knowing that they were knights who most likely had gold.

The knight acted fast, grabbed their swords. The Knights were engaged in battle with lowlife bandits.

Merlin could hear the clash of metal against metal and wood splintering against the amazing craftsmanship of Camelot metal. With both sides preoccupied, he decided to take a look at his shoulder. Sitting up on his knees, he looked down and over to see a bolt stuck deep into his back. It wasn't deep enough to protrude out the other end, but it was deep.

Merlin felt his jacket being jerked behind him, making pain flare up in his shoulder, causing a strangled cry to escape his mouth. He was thrown to the ground once again. He looked up to see who his assailant was, before his eyes landed on a semi fat man with a dirty face, a faint toothless grin and missing fingers on his right hand towering over him.

"Seems I've caught me a fine one." He chuckled.

Merlin, even through the pain could only try to crawl away, but between his body already being weak, he barely made it a few feet before the guy grabbed Merlin by the leg and scooted him back.

"This will be fun. I like them skinny and resistant." He whispered before getting on his knees and dragging Merlin closer. Merlin tried to kick him away, but the guy was persistent. The guy licked his lips, enjoying himself as he reached up and grabbed the arrow in Merlin's shoulder slowly twisting it. Merlin let out a scream, though it was cut off by his dry throat giving up on him. The guy chuckled and snaked his hand under Merlin's shirt. Merlin realized at that moment what the guy was after. Merlin tried to wiggle free, but the guy had his knees secured on both sides of Merlin's legs.

"Arthur!" Merlin managed. The guy clicked his tongue and with a swift motion, broke the arrow. Merlin's whole body shivered in pain, he couldn't scream, the pain trapped it within his body.

The guy took that opportunity and bent down to finally secure his prey, but he didn't get far. He was tackled off of Merlin by Percival. Once that weight was off of him, Merlin curled in on himself, holding his shoulder in pain.

He didn't care what happened, he just loved the fact he was free from that man's clutches. "Merlin! Are you alright?! Did that sick bastard do anything?!" Gwaine shouted, dropping down to his knees to check on Merlin.

The fighting was done, Merlin could tell by the lack of swords and grunts he heard. "No he- I'm... I'm fine." Merlin replied, shakily.

"No you're not. Let me see your injury." Leon said, helping to straighten him up. When they placed their hands on him, they found his shaking rather frightening to feel. They knew he was scared, they just didn't know the level.

"I need you to undress for me, Merlin, so I can get to the wound." Leon explained.

Merlin paled, but knew he needed to get it looked at. He slowly, with the help of Elyan, took off the layers of clothes. When he took off the neckerchief, they noticed a rather shocking sight. The metal band around Merlin's neck was loose, but it created redness and the veins around it looked purple under the skin. As if it was slowly suffocating him.

That wasn't the only shock they received and when Arthur walked over, he felt sickened by what he saw. When Merlin took his shirt off, they saw exactly what Merlin looked like.

He was thin. His ribs poking through sickly while his arms were nothing but skin and bones. On his back, you could see every single bone structure along with the many scars that accompanied his pale skin.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Elyan asked.

"About what?" Merlin mumbled, too tired to acknowledge their concern for his well being.

"You are clearly starving and tired." Gwaine said.

As Leon attended to the wound, Merlin only grew more tired. He didn't even realize he fell asleep, but the others just silently watched with concern as he slept. All except Arthur. He watched with guilt, anger and confusion, but he didn't bother waking Merlin up, instead he walked away and sat far from his knights, thinking upon the events of the day.

*a few hours later*

Merlin woke with a start, but his body didn't move. His shoulder thumped and his stomach growled lowly, as he became aware of his surroundings. He noticed he was close to the fire that was still crackling away, and surrounding it was all of the knights. Most of them asleep, all except Leon and Arthur.

He was about to talk, but shut his mouth when he heard Arthur start a conversation.

"What should I do about him?" Arthur asked.

Merlin had to strain to better hear the conversation, but it was worth it.

"You want my opinion, sire?" Leon asked, shocked.

"Of course. You are the most sane knight here who won't yell at me." He said, eyeing Gwaine, who was huddled close the fire.

"He is one to voice his opinion." Leon said. "But he is correct. Merlin is your friend. He lied about having magic, yes, and I know the betrayal you feel, but he saved your life today. Maybe you should give him a chance to explain himself." Leon said. "I grew up thinking magic was evil, but it's not magic, it's the person who wields it. I learned that the hard way. Maybe you should try to talk to him. Get a better picture of why he hid it."

Arthur sighed. "No. I don't want to hear the lies. I wanted to follow my father's footsteps, but I gave Merlin mercy. My father would have had him executed. I spared him from that." He explained.

Leon chuckled. "Mercy?" He stood up and Merlin closed his eyes, pretending he was asleep. "You gave him that collar, didn't you?"

Arthur's eyes darkened. "I did. That's the nicest mercy I could give."

"The best Mercy would have been banishing him. This," he pointed at Merlin, "This is not Mercy. This is an execution. Just a slower process. Guess you are following in his footsteps." Leon said, before turning away into the forest.

"Where are you going?" Arthur demanded.

"I'm on watch." Was the only thing he said before disappearing into the forest.

Merlin opened his eyes, but his world whirled around him, giving him vertigo. He went into a coughing fit before hunching over, his shoulder shooting unbearable pain down his spine the more he coughed.

His fit slowly turned into him puking up any contents in his stomach, which was just bad tasting yellow bile and a small hint of copper. After he was certain nothing was going to come up, he looked up and locked eyes with dull blue ones.

But those eyes turned away from him. Merlin felt hurt and his body gave out. He was going through this pain in order to keep his friendship alive, but Merlin finally realized that he was being delusional. After his magic was revealed, their relationship died. They were never going back to those times.

With that thought in his mind, Merlin fell asleep, a single tear streaked down his cheek before he was finally able to sleep, hoping that would be the last time he would wake up.

*The next morning*

Gwaine woke up, and immediately looked over at Merlin. His heart stopped when his eyes noticed that Merlin wasn't breathing. He shot up and rushed over to him, grabbing Merlin but was instantly relieved when Merlin grunted, his face distorting into pain.

"Is he okay?" Percival asked.

Gwaine sighed. "He is for now, but we need to get him to gaius." He said.

As they woke everyone up and packed up camp, Merlin woke up in the midst of that and sat up, almost depressed when his eyes opened.

Gwaine helped him to his feet and they started towards Camelot. Arthur didn't even bother to check if Merlin was okay and instead continued onward, but after an hour of walking, Arthur finally took Leon's advice after contemplating what was conversed yesterday, speaking up.

He stopped, causing everyone else to as well. "Why did you lie about the magic?" Arthur finally asked.

Merlin's eyes found Arthur's, and everyone could tell Merlin was shocked that Arthur was actually talking to him.

"Well?"

"I lied... I lied to keep you safe." Merlin croaked.

"What do you mean by that?" Arthur asked.

"If... people knew I had magic they would call you a traitor for protecting me or giving me mercy. Plus... you... you would have a bigger target from... magic users." Merlin managed, though his voice sounded like it was going to give out on him any second.

"How have you used your magic in the past?" Arthur asked.

"I only... used it to protect you." Merlin explained. "Protecting you through... bandit attacks... morgana... any enemies." Merlin explained. "And I will do it in the future... even without magic." Merlin managed.

Arthur let that set in, before asking one last question. "What do you think of me?"

Merlin didn't hesitate. "I think... you were a prat... a clotpole... but a good friend." Merlin felt his magic dim once again, making his body shiver. "But... now I see you as... another..." Merlin felt his knees buckle. "Cruel person." He finished before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed into Gwaines arms.

"Merlin?!" Gwaine shouted, falling to his knees in order to catch him.

Percival stepped forward and picked him up. "We need to get him to Gaius." He said.

And that is what they did. They made their way to Camelot, every now and then getting a panic attack when Merlin would take a minute to breathe in.

But once they made it, they rushed directly to Gaius, ignoring the prying eyes. When they made it, Gaius was cleaning a breaker but dropped it when he saw who was in Percivals arms.

"On the cot." He said. "What happened?"

"Bandits." Was all Percival could say as he gently laid Merlin down on the cot. Gaius quickly had them strip Merlin, but once Gaius turned to see Merlin, everyone watched as he turned pale.

"Merlin... not again." He said.

"Again?" Arthur asked.

"He has starved himself before when he was busy, but this seems so... severe." Gaius said, starting to work on the wound, trying to ignore Merlin's Physique. But as Gaius was cleaning the blood, he noticed the redness around his neck. Curious, he lifted his neckerchief and scoffed.

"Did the bandits put this on him?!" Gaius was appalled. He has only seen these a few times, but seeing it on Merlin was sickening.

"I put it on him." Arthur said.

That infuriated Gaius. "And why the hell did you do that?!"

"To stop him from using his magic." He argued back.

"Did Merlin get the chance to tell you about his magic?" Gaius asked.

"I didn't ask. Magic is magic." Arthur answered, his voice sounding unsympathetic.

Gaius huffed. "Merlin's magic isn't just ordinary magic! He is magic. He was born with it. Putting a magic resistant band on him will kill him. It is killing him." Gaius snapped. "Magic is a part of his life source. That would explain why he is so skinny. Without magic, his body thinks it is starving for that. Food would be considered irrelevant so his body would reject it. His body is starving for both its other half and nutrients." Gaius explained.

Arthur was stunned. He didn't realize just how much magic was a part of Merlin. He felt guilty. Especially after what Merlin said. He gulped.

"I... I didn't know." Arthur explained.

"If you still have some humanity in there and care about him, you will give me the key to this atrocity or he will die." Gaius said sharply.

Arthur gulped and reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out the small key. He handed it over to Gaius, who snatched it rudely away.

They watched as Gaius unlocked it, and once it was off, Merlin's eyes shot open and he took in the biggest breath as if he wasn't able to breathe for months. He started breathing heavily, his eyes darting from each person in the room.

"Calm down Merlin. It's okay." Gaius said, trying to sooth Merlin.

"Gaius?" Merlin asked, his voice sounding almost a thousand times better than before. "What happened?"

"Its okay, Merlin. Just take a breath."

"Why is everyone in the room? Did I die?" Merlin asked.

"Almost." Gwaine jokes.

Merlin knitted his eyebrows together. "What happened? Did Arthur get into trouble again?" Merlin joked, which completely threw everyone off.

"Merlin," Arthur started. "Do... you not remember what happened?" He asked.

Merlin thought about it. He ran through what was the last thing he remembered. He scanned his body, noticing how skinny it was and just how tired he felt. That's when it hit him, his memories now flooding through the gates from his overwhelming magic. He groaned.

"I... remember some of it. You found out about me having... well... and then you put a neck band on me... after that it's a little hazy but bits and pieces are slowly flooding through." Merlin explained. He looked over at Arthur. "What happened after that?"

Arthur flinched. "Well... bandits attacked. You saved me from one of them." He said.

Merlin looked at Gaius, each of them sharing a knowing look. "Even without my magic, Destiny still won't leave me alone." Merlin whispered.

Gaius couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "No it won't."

"Destiny?" Elyan asked.

"A story for another time. I need you all out. I need alone time with Merlin. Out." Gaius explained, shooing everyone out. Arthur almost didn't want to budge, he wanted to talk to Merlin, but Gaius wasn't having it. When they were all shooed out of the quarters, Gaius sighed.

He walked over to Merlin and continued to work on his shoulder.

"I do remember what happened." Merlin said in a low voice. "I just want Arthur to come clean."

Gaius nodded. "I could tell you got it back by the way you were talking."

"Do you think Arthur will banish me? You know... since I don't have the band on." Merlin asked.

Gaius shook his head. "Give it time, Merlin. He needs to process everything. He grew up thinking something was evil. But you may have changed his mind, who knows." Gaius brought two fingers up to his head and thonked him in the forehead.

"What was that for?" Merlin asked.

"You know what for." Gaius shouted back. "Don't you ever do anything that dumb again."

Merlin chuckled. "I will try not to."

*a week later*

Merlin was getting better, that much was clear. He was still insanely skinny, but he was getting better. Ever since his magic was freed, he would feel bursts of energy spill out of him and he would end up breaking something in his room. That was the only downside to having his magic back so fast, was that he had very little control of it.

He hasn't been able to see any of his friends because he was afraid of hurting them after he almost hurt Gaius. But the only ones who really tried were the knights of the round and Gwen. Arthur on the other hand, hasn't even hinted about him, which hurt Merlin, but he understood why.

"Merlin, Gwen is here." Gaius said, knocking on the door.

Merlin was sitting on the floor, his arms folded around his body, as if to contain himself. "No." Was all Merlin managed.

"Merlin please. I just want to talk to you." Gwen pressed.

Merlin bit his lip, debating in his mind, before sighing. "Fine."

The door creaked open and Gwen came in, dressed in her favorite purple dress and her hair in a lazy braid. She paused for a second, before walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" Merlin asked.

Gwen sighed. "I came to see how you are. I am worried." She explained.

"Well you have seen me. I'm fine, but you shouldn't stay much longer." He said, hugging his body harder.

Gwen seemed offended, and pressed on. "Merlin, you are one of my best friends I hate seeing you so closed off. What Arthur did was unforgivable, there is no doubt in that, but hiding away from it won't help either one of you." She said, sliding off the bed and on her knees, reaching for Merlin.

"Don't." Merlin warned.

Gwen hesitated but pressed forward, grabbing Merlin's pale skin. Merlin flinched, but realized his magic wasn't freaking out or on the defensive like it has been.

"I'm not scared of you, Merlin." She explained. "I don't care that you have magic, but you need to become the Merlin I knew. You can't do that locked away in here."

Merlin relaxed into her touch. "I... I don't want to hurt anyone else." He said.

"Then don't. Your magic is freaking out. It has no idea what it wants to do. It's been locked away for far too long. You were dying and it probably felt it was useless. Now it is being very selective at who it wants near you. You just need contact with more people. You need to accept that your magic is helping." She explained. "I hope this advice will help you." She explained, standing up and walking towards the door. "Please go visit Arthur. He refuses to see anyone, even me. Maybe you two can somehow still work this out." She said before leaving the room, the door closing behind her.

Merlin relaxed a little, thinking back on what she had said. He nodded to himself and stood up, despite his wobbly legs, he got dressed.

Gwen was correct. He needed to help, not cower. He got dressed, finding his shirt to be the hardest because of his injury, but got it on nonetheless. Once he was, he made his way down the stairs, but what met him surprised him.

The knights were sitting around the room, making jokes and laughing. Gaius was sitting at the table with Gwen, showing her something he had made.

Gwaine was the first to be alerted by Merlin and he smiled happily. "Glad to see you are okay." Gwaine said, getting up from the bench and walking towards him. He backed away slightly, but remembered what Gwen said and instead accepted the hug. He felt overwhelmed when he was engulfed in a hug.

"It's good to be back." He whispered. He glanced around and noticed that Arthur was indeed missing.

"Do you feel better?" Percival asked.

Merlin nodded. "I do, but I have a favor to ask."

"Ask away." Elyan said.

"Will one of you help me to Arthur's quarters?" He asked.

"Are you sure you are prepared for that, Merlin?" Gaius speculated, looking over Merlin.

Merlin gulped and nodded. "I am. I have some things to talk to him about."

Gwaine smiled. "I will. Do you want to go now?" He asked.

Merlin nodded.

Gwaine stepped forward and grabbed a hold Merlin's uninjured arm and wrapped it close, Merlin leaned on him as they started for the door. The others wished him luck.

As they walked, Merlin could feel his breathing became labored. His body was freaking out from being bed bound and starved to walking across the castle to Arthur's quarters. He was weak, he knew that much, but he needed to talk to Arthur, despite every fiber in his being telling him to turn back.

"Are you sure you want to do this? He was the one who made you look like you do now." Gwaine finally asked.

Merlin nodded. "I need to talk to him. It's important. Even if we don't go back to how it was or he decides to banish me, I need to talk to him.

Gwaine understood and kept quiet as he walked with Merlin. Once at the quarters though. Gwaine noticed Merlin go a shade lighter.

"Are you sure?"

Merlin reached a shaky hand to the door and knocked weakly. They didn't hear anything for a long minute, until a faint voice carried through the door. "Not now."

Merlin gulped and knocked again. "Arthur... it's me." He said.

They heard something knock over , before the voice replied again. "Come in."

Merlin looked over at Gwaine, who understood what it meant and he unhooked Merlin and walked away, though not far away in case something went wrong. Merlin gripped the door and walked in, leaning against the wooden door.

His quarters was a mess. Clothes, pots and some of the furniture was knocked over, making Merlin uncomfortable for being in such a messed up room. He tried to ignore it and looked up to see Arthur, who was turned towards the window, looking out.

"Why are you here?" Arthur asked, after a moment of silence.

"I heard you locked yourself away. I got concerned." Merlin explained, his voice still having a shaky tone to it.

Arthur chuckled. "You are concerned for my well being?" He asked.

"Well... yes... am I not allowed to?" Merlin said defensively.

"Thats..." Arthur paused, as if choosing his words carefully. "Why would you be concerned about me? I was a horrible person to you." He said, turning to look at Merlin.

Merlin was shocked to see that Arthur had stubble and his hair was frazzled. His shirt was half tucked and the other half wasn't. Merlin stepped forward, but not having strong legs, his knees buckled and he fell to the floor. He didn't expect, Arthur to jump forward to catch him.

"You are a horrible person, but you are a concern to me." Merlin said before sighing.

They sat in silence for a moment before Arthur decided to ask a question that was nagging at him. "How come you wore it, knowing the risks?"

Merlin thought about that as Arthur helped him up and set him down in a chair. When Arthur was sure Merlin was secure he stepped back and took a seat on the bed.

Merlin bit his lip. "I... I didn't want to get banished." Merlin said. "You gave me a choice. Either wear it or be banished. I thought I could change your mind about magic before it killed me." He explained.

Arthur bit his lip before asking something else. "And what if you didn't?" He asked.

Merlin thought for a moment before staring at his bony hands. "The day I was in the forest. I overheard your conversation with Leon. When I thought you didn't care for me, I was ready. I was done with feeling weak and a burden." He paused, before gripping his pants. "I thought to myself if that was what you thought of me, I was okay not waking up the next morning. I thought I succeeded... until I didn't." Merlin explained, bringing his knees up to his chest as he sat in the chair.

The silence was thick in the room as the words circled the air. He heard Arthur sit up, catching his attention. "You were ready to die?" He asked.

Merlin didn't speak, instead he stared at the floor. The silence was almost too much for Arthur as he turned around to see Merlin in a huddled position on the chair.

He was ready.

"I hope you don't feel that way any more." He said, walking over to Merlin. "I have been thinking quite a lot this past week about it and I think I'm ready." Merlin shot his gaze to Arthur concern in them.

"Ready for what?" He asked.

Arthur smiled, which shocked Meelin to see something other than bitter anger and betrayal. "I have decided to lift the ban on magic. I gave it a lot of thought and it will take a while to get it going but some day in the future, it will be repealed." He said.

Merlin couldn't believe it. Arthur stood there with so much confidence about this statement that it made Merlin burst into tears. "You would do this... for me?" He asked.

Arthur nodded. "It took me a while to realize just how much of a great friend you are. I was blinded by my father's rage but when I was able to see what I did to you... I couldn't believe it. So I knew I had to change, and in order to do that, I needed a little push." Arthur finished, putting his hand on Merlin's. "When the magic ban is lifted, I was thinking of making you court sorcerer." He said.

Merlin chuckled. "I do fancy the name."

"Then it's settled." He said, standing up with a hand held out to him. Merlin stared at it for a moment before reaching a skinny hand to his. Arthur helped him up and threw his arm around his shoulder before they both walked towards the entrance of his room.

When they opened it, the saw everyone leaning against the other door with their ears pressed against the door. When they saw them, they scrambled back awkwardly.

"Listening in I see." Arthur said.

"We were just making sure Merlin is okay." Gwaine said.

Arthur and Merlin exchanged a glance before both of them started laughing. "I am okay Gwaine. It will take a lot of fixing, and a lot of time but I think we will be okay." Merlin said.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it." Gwen said, walking up to the boys to hug them. "Now would you like to join us for dinner?"

"We'd like that." Arthur said as they walked towards Gaius chamber for dinner.

*2 years later*

Merlin was still healing, but his magic was now fully restored. He was dressed in high royalty clothing now, fit for a sorcerer. He wore a blue shirt with brown pants that were made for a king. He had on fine leather boots and a blue cape with a silver Pendragon insignia on it.

After than fight for the ban on magic, Merlin's whole world changed. He was now the court sorcerer and sat next to the queen and king in meetings and on days of celebration. He was no longer treated poorly.

Arthur was trying his hardest to repair all the trust he had broken, but as time will tell, it was slowly mending the bond back together.


End file.
